Nipples should not have nerve endings

If they didn't, I would probably just let MJ nurse all day and all night long. It would be very National Geographic, just me and the baby, no shirts, just a wrap pressing her to my chest for a 24/7 meal. "Breast is best," they say, and I'm not going to argue that. I know it is, because the few times I've mixed up a bottle of formula for her in public, I've gotten judgmental stares from complete strangers that clearly illustrate their contempt for the poison I'm dripping into her tiny mouth. For example, at my post-partum visit at my OB's office, the baby started crying and rooting from her car seat while we were in the waiting area. First I got looks of annoyance, as if I shouldn't dare to bring a crying baby into an OBGYN waiting room. I'm sorry, but isn't that what they do here? Make babies? Anyway, once I brought out the bottle, I literally saw the shaking of heads. Honestly? It's really a mixed message though, because they will also stare with contempt at public nursing. I know this, because I've been on the receiving end of these angry looks while sitting in the food court at the mall (isn't that where people are supposed to eat?) with a blanket over my shoulder and tiny feet sticking out on my lap. Really people, you can't see anything. I am now an expert on holding my foot on the stroller bottom (to protect it from thieves, naturally, although i don't know what I think i'm going to do to stop anyone who wants to steal my stroller when I have a baby attached to my chest) while juggling a baby, a blanket, and a nursing bra, with one hand.

Back to the nerve endings. Some people might argue that point, but I'm sure those are the same people who have never had cracked, bleeding, throbbing nipples leaving them in excruciating pain. Nursing feels like it shouldn't be this hard, but what no one tells you is that it is unbelievably hard. It's even harder when your baby can't nurse due to a tight frenulum (there's a word you probably don't hear much in typical conversation - it's the piece of tissue that connects the front of your tongue to the bottom of your mouth. Check it out in the mirror.), so you have to pump to "send the signal" to keep making milk even though your baby isn't releasing it. Then, once the surgery is performed to correct it, the baby still can't latch because now she has this new tongue she has to figure out how to use; meanwhile, the milk factory is behind on its supply because of the earlier latching issues, so the baby is never satisfied after a meal, leading to the necessary supplementing of aforementioned poisonous formula. It's a vicious cycle, and I'm not sure how anyone, other than those blessed mothers who get it perfectly the first time, keeps it up this long. MJ is six weeks old today, and we are still fighting the nursing battle.

This is why it's worth it: we all know the nutritional benefits of breast milk, but that's not why I am still in the trenches. Formula is not poison, and many babies are successfully formula fed for many different reasons and still end up healthy and fully-developed. It's because on those rare occasions that she is able to latch, despite the agony I endure, after she's been eating for a few minutes, she'll close her eyes, sigh, and then grin her biggest dimple grin, like I've finally given her this amazing treat that she's been waiting to enjoy for so long. Well, you're welcome, tiny love. Any time.